You are a star,
A star that is not reachable that
Twinkles far far away.
I hold you in my hands, as if you are in my reach,
But I know you are burning light-years away from me,
Untouched by my grasp
You are a wave,
A wave that comes and goes,
Grows and shrinks.
Making swooshing sounds that only you can make
And a conch shell can mimic
I hug you with my arms
But as the tides get bigger and smaller
I know you are not the same wave as I hugged at first
But then again,
You are a star
Light-years above me.
You might not know I am here
Watching your brilliance.
You might think you are the only one burning.
So here I am
Burning a candle light-years below you
So as to say
You are not alone.
But then again,
You are a wave
Growing and shrinking.
You might not be the same wave that I hugged at first
But you are a wave; I am me
And I wet my feet in your ebb and flow
So as to say
I am here with you too.
That moment when we were comparing our heights and
I was clearly so much taller than you, but only momentarily
You thought about coming closer to me and
See how much difference there was
I saw that thought come through your head and
Leave a small trace
I could tell from that pause you held, that small hesitance of yours
Stopped my breath for just a second
Only a short second, but long enough to matter.
Long enough to make a difference.
I wish you did come closer
And break that delicate barrier of this budding friendship
And took me in
Gave a small kiss against my neck
That would have changed it all
Wouldn’t that have been so wonderfully romantic?
I know it won’t happen.
I know you won’t take that leap
Because I know you don’t feel the way I do
What a shame
What a waste of one-way emotions…
We would have written a novelette together
A short, sweet one at that.
I mourn for that unborn story
The story waiting to be lived and told
But it won’t happen
Or it already did in my head
But realization is not its fate.
What a tragedy it is
For the unborn…
All I wish to see is a flower blossoming in my palm
In the sunshine and the rain
In light hearts and pain
I also wish to let it go
Plant its preciousness in soil and let it grow
On its own, in its own body and strength
I wish to be there when it’s in full bloom,
When the sun shines through and through
As the ray of the sun lifts the beauty in all its glory
I also wish to be there when the petals fall
And the color starts to fade
For it is time for it to wane
No room for regret
For she has left her seeds of beauty behind
Now there is hope that these will be even more divine
At this moment
I hand these seeds in your palm
So you can enjoy and taste the beauty of love and life
For there is no joy that could be bought at any price.
I am from here, Tenafly, NJ US
giggling, running away from 엄마 trying to get me clean and
hiding behind the smooth ivory sofa butt-naked where her hands can barely reach
playing hide-and-seek with my symbol of beauty and all things good.
dreaming to become a comedian when I grow up so I can hear 아빠’s belly-laugh over and over again,
the sound of his voice so big, it pops my ears and shakes the whole house.
protecting 오빠 from our parents who come rushing to punish him after my own piercing cry for help to save me from his endless teasing.
I am from there, Seoul, Korea
catching my American tongue when they call me 슈퍼뚱돼지 부인
and other words I can’t say but still hurt me.
practicing in my room everyday to get good at 고무줄 놀이
the taut black rubber band connecting each piece of furniture in my room so I could
show off to those girls who always made a point to leave me out of the game.
drowning in chlorine water because the girls jumped
on top of me for a “piggy back ride” without my consent.
playing dodgeball with death threats from
the faces that only knew to smile in front of authority.
I am from there, still, Seoul, Korea
giving up my shoes to the bare feet of a little girl who cries for the same reasons I do.
putting my umbrella over the drenched girl with a holey uniform on our way to school so we’re both wet but smiling.
learning sign language so the girl no one spoke to knew it is the others who were missing out on her, not the other way around.
I am here, Oakland CA US
growing inside and out.
learning light and dark and the in between.
education brought me here.
pursuit of happiness made me stay.
in my heart is where I live.
Sing it from the rooftop, my love
Don’t you see?
You are the most beautiful, radiant courageous you there ever was
And will ever be.
You are the only you there is.
Is that not a cause to celebrate everyday, if not every single moment?
Here, mirrors are not needed.
Validations and affirmations are sweet but
You don’t need proof that you’re the one
With your eyes, with your heart, with your spirit.
God willing, you will see who and what you are
Your truth will soar through the heavens
When you admit, accept, and affirm how enchanting of a creature you are.
Say, you do shout at the top of your lungs
That you are beautiful
Who will dare say you’re wrong?
Who will call the cops on your self-love?
And if they do, is that really your problem?
The insecurities that call forth such authority on the matter
They are threatened by your righteous deserved love towards you
Those who seek misery for company are no match for you.
When doubt mists your eyes and blurs your vision
I will remind you:
You are the youest you there ever was and ever will be.
You are and can be all the wonders of your grandest imagination
Beautiful, radiant, courageous, all of the above.
You pick.And I will be here to tell you, you’re so right.